There are many reasons why relationships and marriages come to an end. For some, it is a mutual decision. For others, the breakdown of the relationship or marriage can come as an absolute shock. In both circumstances, the breakdown of a relationship (married or unmarried) is a significant life event that will take time to process. It is natural to have feelings of sorrow, sadness, hurt, guilt, resentment, desperation, and anger that the relationship did not work out as you had once hoped.
While undergoing this huge emotional strain, separating couples then need to find the energy and focus to navigate a way forward to resolve how the future will now look for them and their children. This may include: whether to start divorce proceedings, how to split the finances, and arrangements for the children’s care. These are unquestionably big decisions, which will impact upon the whole family now, and in the future.
Naturally, for many separating couples, the thought of effectively communicating with their ex-partner or working together to find solutions can initially feel daunting, if not impossible. Those feelings are entirely unsurprising, given that a relationship breakdown tends to be painful for all those involved. It is important, albeit often extremely difficult, to look forward and consider how things will look, not only in the months ahead, but the years and decades which will follow. This reflection will lead many separating couples to conclude that reaching an agreed, fair and bespoke way forward for their family will help to reduce the ongoing uncertainty, pain and conflict resulting from the breakdown of the relationship.
On this basis I would like to share with you details of the collaborative process; simply put, this is a means of you finding solutions together, with the support of your solicitors and other professionals.
WHAT IS THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS?
- Firstly, you and your ex-partner will both need to instruct your own solicitor and they must be collaboratively trained. This is important to ensure you are on an equal footing. You have the guidance, advice, and support of your solicitor throughout this process.
- There are then a number of face-to-face meetings attended by you, your ex-partner and both solicitors to work together and focus on solutions and reaching an agreed way forward. The progress takes place at these meetings, rather than letters passing back and forth between the solicitors. The meetings can also take place virtually should current circumstances prevent meetings in person.
- Information and advice may be needed from other professionals to help find a solution. By agreement you can involve third party professionals such as a child specialist, family consultant, tax advisor, financial planner or pension expert.
- Everyone works as a team to find solutions in the most cost-effective way.
WHO IS THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS FOR?
The first thing to say, is that this is not a process that is suitable for everyone. There are some circumstances that would make the process wholly unsuitable, in which case I can advise you upon all other options available to you.
The process is suitable for separating couples who:
- can sit in the same room as one another, with the support of their solicitor and other third-party professionals, and work as a team;
- have a genuine desire to reach an agreement that is fair to the whole family;
- have a willingness to disclose, fully and honestly, information about all assets; and
- are committed to reaching a solution without going to court.
WHY SHOULD I CONSIDER THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS?
- You have the benefit of your own independent legal advice from your own solicitor who is collaboratively trained.
- You are in control, without the threat of court proceedings hanging over you. You, your ex-partner and both solicitors sign an agreement that commits everyone to this process, and crucially to resolve the issues without going to court. Importantly, this prevents the solicitors involved in the collaborative process from representing you in court if the collaborative process breaks down. This means that everyone is absolutely committed to finding the best solutions by agreement, rather than through conflict or court proceedings.
- Together, you set the agenda, so you talk about the things that are pivotal to you and your family. It is a completely bespoke process.
- The pace of the process can be determined by you and your ex-partner. There are no court stipulated deadlines, and the meetings can move forward at a pace that suits the issues and circumstances which are unique to you.
- It helps you to maintain an amicable relationship with your ex-partner. That way, you have the best chance of understanding each other, and finding the right solutions. Remember, if children are involved, you will both remain parents, and it will help your children to cope better with your separation if they see that you are working things out together.
- Together, you make the decisions that will impact yours and your children’s future.
- Work together as a team, with your solicitors and other professionals, all of whom are committed to finding a solution that works for you and your family.
WILL THE AGREEMENT REACHED BE BINDING?
It is very much hoped that after a number of face-to-face meetings, the end result will be an agreed way forward. The number of meetings required will vary and we can advise you upon this further once we understand your unique circumstances.
We will ensure that the agreement reached within the collaborative process will be set out in a court order and sent to the court for approval, to ensure it is binding, where this is appropriate.
IS THIS A PROCESS THAT WILL WORK FOR ME?
If you feel this process would be something you would like to know more about, please feel free to call Bessie Hanson.
If you do not feel this process is suitable for you, Bessie can advise you on the range of other options that are available and find the one best suited for you.
Disclaimer
Nothing in this article constitutes legal advice. The contents of this article are for general information purposes only. Specialist legal advice should be taken in relation to specific circumstances.
No warranty, express or implied, is given as to its accuracy and we do not accept any liability for error or omission. We do not accept any responsibility for the information contained in this article and shall not be liable for any action or decision taken based on this information.